Am I a paradox in what I want?

you're not a paradox, per se. but it may be a bit difficult to find someone. but it would be worth it to wait and find the right person. some people are really awesome and understanding. i am also pretty socially awkward (but not clinically, so i can't totally relate) and that makes finding a gf quite a bit harder. i would say be willing to change some things to a point but if a girl wants a totally different person, they need to find a different person.